Yaoi Books by KB Forrest

HomeAuhtorNovelsAsk Dr. KB ForrestForum
Ask Dr. Forrest

Ask Dr. Forrest

Ask Dr. Forrest is your online advice column where you can ask anything. Dr. Forrest can answer your questions on love, etiquette, and anime. Are you in a troublesome relationship? Are you unsure of your sexuality? Do you feel that heterosexual love is gay? Do you battle with Yaoi manga fever? Dr. Forrest is here for your needs ... all your needs. Send your questions to kb@yaoi-books.com

Submit Your Question

Full Name

E-mail

Question

Question:
Dear Dr. Forrest,

I work in a busy office situation - lots of cubicles and such. It's not very private. I keep to myself and do nothing to bother others (at least I hope not.) Being a gay man is hard in such situations. I've been there for five years now, and as a business group, often people have lunch together, or we have to go to parties. I feel so out of place because everyone talks about their families or girlfriend etc., but I can only talk about my dogs and the weather. They always ask about my personal life; who I'm seeing, do I want a family? They also ask why I don't bring someone to parties. I mean I try to start conversations about movies etc, but it always ends up in the same place. I know people say I'm strange. The office gossip informed me ever so kindly that they all have pegged me as gay. What should I do? I have considered coming out, but earlier on, there was one conversation where they discussed gays in negative, if polite terms. One woman in the group is a preacher at her church. I wish I could find another job, but I'm sure the same thing would happen.

Sick of Being the Oddball

Answer:
Dear Sick,

Many of us can sympathize with you. Gays and Lesbians who come out to such people will be confronted with comments behind their backs like, "Jeez, I don't care what he does in bed - I never asked!" Or "I don't need someone shoving their lifestyle down my throat!" These people never stop to think that you are doing just doing what they, themselves, are doing - talking about everyday life. Why do you have to have their hetero lifestyle shoved down your throat? It is unfortunate, but it is a fact that gays are not accepted in many settings. I can quite understand your predicament, but there is no one answer. For yourself, please join a gay discussion group on line or in your community, if there is such a group. This way you and your partner can have some support. As for the clods at work, when the conversation veers to their families, listen politely. When they ask about your personal life, you can be vague and say that you are satisfied with your life, thank you very much. They will continue to suspect that you are gay, but coming out to a hostile group may just serve to make you feel dissatisfied and uncomfortable.

Officially,
Dr. Forrest

Question:
Dear Dr. Forrest,
My partner and I have a problem, but only I see it as such. He seems to think that he has to act like a hetero in public. I can see why, considering how hard things are still for gays, but he takes it to the point of flirting with girls, even when I am present. Personally, it disgusts me. Once we were on a date and a girl sent him a drink. He accepted it and even went over to talk to her and her friend, leaving me alone for almost an hour. These were people we didn't even know!! He uses the excuse that he just doesn't want to look gay, but who cares if you're never going to see the people again? What should I do? We've had several arguments about this, and once he threw something at the wall.

Wondering

Answer:
Dear Wondering,

I think you may be wondering the same thing I am wondering. Is your boyfriend a closet hetero? He may indeed be unsure of his sexuality. Experimenting is fine, but not when he is hurting you. Throwing things is definitely a red flag too; therefore, you should be careful when confronting him. Perhaps the best course of action is to bring up the problem in a public location; say your favorite restaurant. If he is unwilling to discuss his behavior, you should consider whether you want to invest more precious time in a relationship that is going nowhere. Just imagine if you were a hetero and your girlfriend started flirting openly with others while on a date. He should be held to the same standards. His excuse is flimsy. Good luck, and remember, you deserve better.


Dr. Forrest